The Nightmare & The Meeting
by Calaya Mesner
Summary: This is the story of a girl who at 19 was turned into a vampire. She is haunted by nightmares of the death of her twin sister, she realizes that the love of her life was present at the death. There are many twists in the story and it draws you in. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**I Want You to Know**

**I am Zerra Melish Cantra Mesner. I was born in the year 1845, and I have been alive longer than any human. Obviously since I am here to tell my story. I live in a world of darkness, not that I can't walk in the sun or anything but I prefer to live in the dark, it doesn't hurt my eyes quite so much as the sun. Since being changed I have lived in seven hundred different houses and now own four, they are all pretty nice but discreet, and hidden in the shadows of New York. I do not wish for anyone to know that I am alive…well undead. If any humans knew they would be begging me to change them, but that is not why I am here. I do not wish to change them. I just want to avenge my family and get it over with, go on with my life, whatever.**

The Nightmare & The Meeting

The dream didn't have me in it…well I don't think so anyway…well I was watching it happen. There is a girl that looks just like me and is dressed the way I am today, she is standing in a basement that looks like my room kind of but a little different…she takes a razor from her pocket and begins slicing angrily at her wrists while she is crying and screaming at non-existent people. She falls to the floor and lies there in her own blood. The girl wouldn't have these problems if she had just thought about what she was causing with her death. She is going to ruin so many lives by doing this. Her mother, father, brothers, sisters, friends, and anyone else that knows her. They will all go on with their lives missing her and wanting her back with no way to have her return. Many of the people that knew her will blame themselves or others for what has happened. She will never realize what she has caused by taking her own life.

I have dreamt this dream a million times, I have picked it apart and gone over it so many times it's like I live it. I still cannot find the meaning. If I go over it one more time I will scream. It kills me to think about but yet I cannot think about anything else. For some strange reason no one knows the meaning of it. They don't know the reason for this dream coming to me over and over again. If anyone can stop it I want their help.

I have discovered something in the background of this dream. In the back of the room in the shadowy dark corner, there is a man standing there, watching me (or the other person) dying there in front of him with no thoughts as to how he can save me. My mind races with thoughts of who he is. I cannot place his face anywhere in my mind, it's like I know him but can't remember him. He seems to love the woman on the floor but doesn't want her to live, like she is evil or something. I cannot see any evil around her she seems peaceful; though she is dying she seems happier than she has been in many, many years.

Then it hits me! I have figured it out who the man is! He is the one, the only one that I have ever loved completely. He is the only one that knows the secret life I lead, the reason why my dream could not be about me, it would have to be someone else. Xand Rayne Crane is the only one that knows I am a vampire that I can never die. He helped me with my changes more than he should have. He just ended up getting hurt.

He changed as I did and I had to help him go through everything I had gone through. I couldn't stand to be with him after I ruined his life, he would never be able to love me as the monster than I am and I made him be. The thing was that he didn't have a choice in the matter, he either changed or died. If I wouldn't have changed him he would have been destroyed by the blood that I gave him. I wanted to be blood bonded but we couldn't be, because of his family, his heritage, his life. He was a witch and if I would have left him a witch he would have tried to destroy the vampire blood in his system destroying himself in the process. I took away the life he had known as Jaxon Syn Slayne had done to me. I thought nothing of it, like I didn't care about him hating me, but in truth it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didn't want to but knew that if I didn't he would have died trying to save himself. I couldn't let that happen. I loved him too much.

Xand knew that I had a twin when I was younger and obviously that she was still alive somewhere. She killed herself in order to save herself. She told me long ago that she never wanted to be this monster. Saying that if it came to threats of it or it actually happened she would kill herself. It is apparent that, that is what she did. Xand was there, he didn't even try to tell me. He just watched her die and didn't even try to find me; if he had I would have answered. He knows my human name, (Justina Matthews) that I have a number listed in the phone book. But he didn't. He let her die on the floor, like some kind of animal, like she didn't matter. But looking into his eyes he looked upset disturbed even. Like he loved her. Like she was me…maybe that's what he thought. Maybe he thought that she was me!

I reached out to him with my mind. Slowly at first, then I tried harder. Reaching further and stronger, trying to get him to respond to my coaxing. Suddenly I turn and there he stands, looking exactly as I remembered, like the man I loved and still love. I silently hope he didn't read my thoughts just now.

"Xand…what…why didn't you tell me she was…?" I burst into tears and sink to the floor.

"Zerra, I knew this would happen, I couldn't stand to see you like this and you know that. That is why I did not tell you. I want you to be happy, like we were before all of this happened. I hate seeing you upset and I want you to accept the fact that you saved my life and changing me was the only way that you could, I do not hold it against you."

"She was my sister! I had a right to know! I have had nightmares about it, and you didn't have the guts to tell me she was dead, and you were there! Why didn't you try to save her?!"

"I did try to save her. And who are you to tell me I have no guts? You were the one that changed me and then ran like a mad woman to get away from me. Thinking that I would kill you, my one true love in the world, where would you get the idea that I wouldn't love you the same way that I always have? I couldn't stop loving you if it were going to kill me."

I stopped crying, and just stared into his eyes. "I'm sorry for running from you. You told me just that day how much you hated what I had become. And you know how you would have reacted to being one if I were there. You would have hated the sight of me. I didn't think I could handle that kind of hatred. It would have destroyed me right there. I wanted to give you space…" I got cut off right there.

"Give me space! You wanted to give me space! I wanted you to be there if I ever did get changed, to help me hunt the first time. To help the through the withdrawals from human life. I didn't think that it would be you to change me but I am glad. Still you have hurt me greatly by hiding from me for 144 years. How do you think I felt? Do you think it helped me? Well you are so very wrong. I love you Zerra. I want to be with you always. Will you let me?"

"Xand you know I will let you now that I know you do not hate me. I just couldn't face what anger I had been anticipating. I am sorry for changing you. Though the pain of losing you if I hadn't would have been much greater than if you had hated me. I couldn't let you die. I had to help you live, and this was the only way. I need you in my life, forever and for always."

"Well now you have me and you will forever and for always."

I smile and walk to him wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him lightly. "I'm glad that you are back here with me." I walk to my house and lead him into the living room, sitting down on the couch. I face him wondering what he is thinking, but he won't let me in. For some reason he is blocking his thoughts from me. He just doesn't understand the fact that I want to know everything he has been through all these years since I had seen him. I wanted to know everything that he was thinking about.


	2. Chapter 2

Vamp Bars & Stupid Deals

Most of the time I was cautious around other vamps, but tonight I was at ease, swaying gently with the elders and not caring whether they knew I was a young-blood or not. They could think whatever they wanted to about me but I was not there for a party, I was there to kill. He was watching me intently and I paid him no mind at all. Jaxon was getting mad, I could tell, he wanted my attention and I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of getting it. I just stormed right past, not even looking in his direction, grinning with self-satisfaction.

He knew why I did it and had all intentions of following me. I don't know why he couldn't just leave me alone like all of his other fledglings. NO! He just _has_ to follow me like a lost puppy, when clearly I do not want to speak with him. It was a bit ridiculous that he being an elder was following anew blood around. It's his loss since he knows that I have never been the kind of girl to fall for his idiotic type of charm.

I stopped walking and sat down at an empty table. He considered this an invitation because he too sat down. Grinning at me like an idiot across the table was a dumb move on his part, if you ask me. Since he probably knew why I was there. There were _very_ few reasons I would enter a vampire bar, the main one was the reason for right then.

Jaxon could not stand the thought of Xand and I being together. He never had been able to. Jaxon wanted me all to himself; he thought that because he had changed me he would have me forever. The thing is I cannot stand Jaxon, or the thought of being with him. He ruined my life and the lives of everyone around me.

"Hello Meli. Long time no see."

"Well Jaxon, I was hoping you'd catch on and realize that I don't like you!"

He laughed! Not just a chuckle though. It was an outright laugh! I looked at him with so much hatred I was hoping he would leave. "Jaxon what do you want? And do not call me Meli like you know me you know nothing of the hurt and hatred I have harvested toward you! But tonight is the night for you to find out about it!" I grin evilly, content with the look of slight fear on his face. Then he just sat forward a little, causing me to move further away. "You know that I know more about you than you think I do. I know so much about you it pains me to admit that I love you. I want you to know that I have had a claim on you since I changed you and now that Xand is dead I…" I cut him off there; he had messed with the wrong nerves tonight. "What do you mean he's dead?! I just talked to him before coming here to kill you!"

He just smiles slowly looking at me like I was a small child or an idiot I cannot decide. And says, "Yes you did talk to him I thought that you were an idiot though. I thought that you would think it was true. Because I didn't know you had talked to him until right before you said that and I read your unprotected mind."

I laughed in his face. "You are the idiot for thinking that was unintentional. I knew that you would try to make me think he was dead and that you would realize your mistake after you had already said it. Because you are a little slow in reading my thoughts. I hate your guts and you know that. I wish that you would stop saying that you love me, that makes my stomach queasy and I think I may barf on you if you say it again."

Again with the laugher, I mean doesn't this guy know that I hate him so? Apparently not because he just keeps on coming like there is no tomorrow. I mean seriously if I had any attraction don't you think I would try something with him? So obviously I don't even _like_ him.

"Zerra I do care for you greatly. I must if I would change you so you would be here for all eternity. I mean if I didn't care for you I would have just killed you all those years ago instead. I will not say it again because I have told you more than once and I do not wish for you to upchuck on me. But know that I do. Onto other events, I wonder would you like to come to my next rave? It is to be viciously fun. I know you would love to if you could. And you can even bring Xand he is after all the love of your life. I won't bother you anymore if you promise to come to every rave I ever invite you to and you are to linger near me all of the time and pretend to be deeply in love with me."

He grins slowly thinking that this will end all of the hatred I have toward him. I grin slowly making him think I will agree to his idiotic deal.

"No I will not agree to that. I will come to all of these 'raves' but I will not pretend to feel something I do not feel in front of Xand even if he knew the deal. I will go and bring him and I will do as I please within reason with him while I am there. So deal with that."

I stand slowly going around to his side of the table, I hit the small button on the wrist blade I always wear and press it into his side, sliding it in cleanly.

"That is a taste of what I will do to you if you try to harm me or Xand ever again. Jaxon I know what you tried to do to my sister. I know that is why she killed herself. I hope you know that is why I hate you so. I hate you for that and all of the other things you have done to ruin my life. You knew that if I tried to blood bond him to me he would die and the only way to save him was to change him. But you changed me anyway knowing I was in love with a witch. You knew I would try to blood bond him to me so you knew he would die. I hate you for so many things but those top them. So just know that if you ever do anything like that again I will kill you."

I don't know how he can _still_ smile at me. But he just looks at me and says, "I want to be the one that haunts your dreams at night. I want to be the one that you never forget. I want you to love me the way I do you-I did not say it mind you. I want so much from you and I know you want to kill me and you hate me, but with hate there have to be some sort of feelings toward me so you know there is something else in you that wants me too because if not you wouldn't be able to hate me you would disown even hearing my name. So don't tell me you don't care at all for me." I scowl at him. Not knowing what else to do I stand up and walk toward the door. "Don't even think I won't be back to kill you Jaxon, because I will. I will be here everyday contemplating ways to kill you." I grin evilly and walk away muttering under my breath. I cannot believe that he still cares about me even though I told him I would kill him. He doesn't stop for even a second. I still feel things like I am living yet he is as unchanging as a high school teachers lectures.

As I walk away I can hear him laughing, this just makes me angrier. I wheel around right at the door and throw a dagger missing him by only two inches. I smile coyly, open the door and exit. I walk down the street unhappy with the way today's mission went. In all my many, many years of being a vamp I never thought that anyone would get to me like that, but he does and it just sticks with me for hours. I know that I will be angry for a while and don't want to face Xand that way so I just walk trying to figure out someway that I can beat Jaxon.


	3. Chapter 3

Freedom

Going back to my house just makes me want to leave again. Dealing with Xand is the last thing I feel like doing right now. He just wants to talk about what happened in all of the years since I turned him and that is not high on my priority list right now so, I'm thinking that I will just turn around and walk away right now. As I turn to walk away I think that there is really no point in avoiding it since I will have to go home sometime. I turn back and walk into the house and find Xand waiting for me in the kitchen. I walk in and hop up to sit on the counter. Xand walks over and puts his hands on my knees. "What's wrong?" he asks. I smile at him "nothing is wrong my darling, just a bit tired from walking and then talking to Jaxon." Xand doesn't look too happy that I had talked to Jaxon without him. He knows how much I hate him and what I probably did since we were alone.

"Well what did he have to say?" he asks coolly. "Not much just the same stupid shit. That he loves me and wants to be with me forever and blabeddy blah. He also said that he wants me to come to his rave tonight, you are invited too. Well that is I have to go to every rave he throws as a part of a deal we made, he wanted the deal to be that I act like I'm in love with him but I refused to do that." I said.

"Well I am glad that you stood up for us but what deal are you talking about? I hope it has nothing to do with your sister."

"No it has nothing to do with her. He just said that he would leave me alone forever if I came to his raves and pretended to be in love with him. When I refused to do that he said it was fine and that if I just showed up the deal would stand as stated."

"O.K. and what was the point in making this deal?"

"I want him to leave me alone. Actually no I need him to leave me alone if I am to carry out my mission."

"You aren't still planning on killing him now that he has given you freedom are you?"

"FREEDOM? I DON'T THINK ANY OF THIS IS EQUAL TO THE FREEDOM HE TOOK THAT AWAY WHEN HE STOPPED MY HEART! If you think that this is freedom then you are sadly mistaken or have taken a few too many blows to the head to realize that this is a trap that we must live in for the rest of our lives, actually for all eternity. We will never have freedom until someone ends our lives. Do you know how many times I have thought about ending my life? I don't think you do, I have wanted to live a normal life and that is it but I can never have that can I? I will never have children I will never live like I want I have to move every few years so people don't get suspicious of me. Or I could just reveal us all and get killed by those who do not want to be found out."

Xand puts his hands on my cheeks staring into my eyes, "You know that he is giving you freedom. Freedom from his watchful eyes, from him butting into our lives all the time like he has been for all of these years. Admit it you know he is doing the right thing. You don't want to admit it because you are blocking him out making him out to be the evil in our world. But he is not the evil he is the balance between the good and evil. He can remain in our lives from time to time like he has all this time or he can bow out graciously like he is now for a very small price. He never said that we had to stay at the raves for the whole time so you know that we can leave whenever we want. So give this a chance before you start acting like it is a conspiracy to ruin your life."

"I cannot believe that you are taking his side! Of all the vamps in this world I thought you were the one that would hate him just as much as me." Narrowing my eyes I hiss "but I guess I was wrong." I stalk out of the room and out the front door, I run as fast as I can to get the thoughts out of my head and calm down.

Of all the people in the world to tell me I was wrong for hating Jaxon, I never expected it from Xand. I fully expected Xand to hate him as much or more than me. But for some very strange reason Xand did not hate him. He seemed to be okay with the fact that we were vamps even though; he almost died because of it. My sister killed herself so as not to be changed by Jaxon but, still, Xand felt neither hate nor anger toward him. It was like the only emotions he knew were love and happiness. To stop Jaxon I was going to need Xand's help. Knowing that he didn't hate Jaxon meant I would have to practically beg him to help me.

'_He really did not hate him and I could not believe that. It was so stupid. The guy could have killed me if he had stayed on my neck for five more seconds and Xand didn't even care. I was really surprised he didn't just invite Jaxon over for dinner and dancing with the way he was acting. It was totally ridiculous.'_

Standing around thinking was not going to help me convince him so I set off to find him wherever he was at in the house. Walking through the house I was trying to figure out what to say to him. How to convince him that what I want to do is right and that what I feel toward Jaxon is what he should be feeling. But nothing I think of seems to sound right even in my mind. I guess that when I try to explain this to him I will just blurt something out and risk sounding like a complete idiot.

Walking into the bedroom I see Xand standing by the windows and realize how handsome he is. He is not the man that I remember him to be. He is not so different that I don't still know him but there are slight changes in his stance, looking more like a predator now than before. He seems not to have noticed that I am in the room. I walk toward the bed. As I sit Xand finally looks at me. I'm still not sure what I should say to him about Jaxon it's not like I don't know what to say it's just that I have to phrase it right.

Xand starts speaking interrupting my thoughts. "You know I wouldn't have said what I did if I didn't believe it. I know he killed your family but he kept you and didn't harm your sister. She killed herself. I know her death was like you dying yourself, but you are still here. I thank god everyday that you are still here with me. That Jaxon didn't kill you like the rest of your family. You know that I loved them too and you don't see me going after Jaxon. I forgave him a long time ago. I didn't even care that you changed me it meant that I could spend eternity with you just like I have wanted to for as long as I can remember. Why can't you just forgive him and just live with me the way we always wanted to? I mean seriously it's like you don't think about anything but ways to get back at him. Even if it's something as small as going to a few raves of his. You want to leave early just to spite him and I don't understand it. Not at all so just forgive. You don't have to forget just forgive him so we can move on with our lives. I miss having you with me like we were before. I know we aren't exactly the same as we were then but I think we can be those two people again and that's what I want. Is that too much to ask?"

I don't know what to say so I just stare at him. He has explained exactly what would normally make me quit whatever I was doing but this is my vendetta to settle. I don't know why he can't just stay out of the way or agree to help or something but I guess this way I don't have to worry about him getting caught up in the action and possibly getting hurt. I finally respond "Xand I love you, you know that but I cant just let this go he killed everyone I love. He may not have killed Calaya but she was my sister and she died so she didn't have to live this life. Xand I know you don't want me to do this but this is something that has to be done. I have the plans set in motion and I'm not going to call the whole thing off now. My family is dead because of Jaxon and I can't just let him live. I want to be able to forget or at the very least forgive him but I can't do that to my family's memory that is an insult to all of them, my mother, father, brothers, and especially Calaya. He drove her to her death. That wasn't something she did on a whim. She had probably planned it for months just as I have been planning this for years. I don't care what happens to me as long as you are safe from the repercussion that's why I haven't told you any of the plans. I love you too much to see you hurt but I don't want him alive as long as I live. He will make our lives a living hell so I am doing this with or without your consent. Since I don't need that anyway."

As I finish speaking I walk out of the room. It has started storming but I don't care. I just walk out into the rain feeling nothing at all, just total emptiness. I can't believe I just said that to Xand he is the only person I have ever loved and I just totally told him to step off and back off. I don't know what had come over me but it's like I didn't even care if I hurt him. I just didn't. It's not like me to be so callous but I just treated him like an animal.

Rounding the corner I decide I need to practice my throwing before I start the plans in motion. I head to the practice arena I built, running full speed. I don't care who sees, but at this time of night in the pouring rain? I doubt anyone's out walking if they were in a cab they wouldn't even notice me in the woods. Nearing the arena quickly I slow to a quick jog. I don't want to slam into the side wall, though normally I know I wouldn't, in this rain the ground is slick and muddy and I don't want to take the chance.


End file.
